The note that hangs above my desk as of today

The Dissatisfaction with Sameness

It's been almost 2 years since the first day I stepped into the New York City underground to play piano and sing in front of people.

I've been feeling an overwhelming dissatisfaction with just playing covers and other people's music to the point where I actually felt depressed leaving home to go play yesterday.

This morning I realised that this is a good thing!

Busking for me was never the zenith of the mountain, but more a means or just simply a call to action.

I always aspired to transition to singing my own music mixed in with covers maintaining a certain level of quality across the board so that people wouldn't be able to tell which ones were mine from the songs of Bruno Mars, Adele, Taylor Swift, Alicia Keys, etc.

But Original Music is Scary

It's been a frightening (yet liberating) notion to me to play my own music, which is obviously why I haven't yet done so. I think it's because as a child, I was encouraged to perform and sing other people's songs.

No one ever said, what do you have to say? You should write a song about that.

I wasn't even allowed to perform what I wanted. I had to obey my mother and sing whatever she deemed appropriate for every event. As a kid, you listen to your authority figures.

My musicianship was limited at the time as well so I couldn't play what I was hearing in my head.

I remember writing a song at 16 and feeling like it was cool. But I quickly abandoned it for something established that I had to learn for an upcoming concert.

That's the story I'd chosen to believe. The story that was playing on repeat in my head.

Practice with a Side of Market Research with a Cherry on Top

Busking is like the feedback loop that dreams are made of- if you really wanna know what you're made of.

You sit feet away from real people and get direct and immediate feedback on what you play.

Not to mention the practice element of playing in front of a live New York City audience (the toughest of crowds) and the chance to connect heart to heart with everyday people.

Yes, it's been working for my creative expression, not to mention paying my bills, until I stopped evolving and changing artistically somewhere along the line.

I just kept trying to repeat the same recipe for success I'd had. Hit song + My cover of it = Happy Customers and Money in my Jar

No Summer Jams